Therapy Gives Me Chlamydia
by bobbypingirl101
Summary: Dumbledore decides that he WILL see his sixth years get along before he dies. He sends twenty-three of them off to muggle therapy with hopes of uniting them, forgetting to take their wands. Only hilarity can result from this decision. OOC. ON HOLD!
1. Ginny's Pregnant!

**This is a new story I had floating around my head, and I couldn't get it out so I started to write it. This is completely OOC and is basically a parody of what is going on in the lives of our favorite characters. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I hope you all like it and think it's as funny as I do, because I'd hate to be that crazy person that laughs at things that no one thinks are funny.  
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**Summary: Dumbledore is dying, and he knows it. All he wants to see before he dies is his sixth years getting along. At the end of the year, he invites all of the sixth years and their significant others to a mandatory meeting in his office. He doesn't tell them why, of course. Instead he sends them on their merry way to an unknown location. ****Group therapy ensues.**

**DISCLAIMER: Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am no longer the owner of Harry Potter. JK Rowling, the lucky bitch, polyjuiced into me, obliviated everyone that knew I owned Harry Potter, and stole it for herself. Life is unfair. *Sigh.***

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><p>Professor Dumbledore was an old man with old concerns. He was concerned about Voldemort wrecking havoc, Draco Malfoy poisoning other students, whether purple looks good on him or not, whether he should tell Harry Potter that he has to die, if lemon drops were Merlin's gift to wizarding kind, and other things similar. He would sometimes go to one of those muggle therapists and let it all out, before obliviating them, of course. That course of action never failed to help him, so of course it could never fail to help others.<p>

His sixth years were going to get along, god damn it, and he would make sure of it. Severus told him he had about a year to live, and he was getting down to his final months. He had to take action now before it was too late.

Quickly getting out a sheet of parchment he wrote a note, tapped it with his wand and said in his head '_gemino_.' Satisfied with the number of notes resting on his desk, he looked up and around his marvelous office.

"Fawkes!" he called to his lovely Phoenix.

His faithful pet trilled and landed gently on Dumbledore's shoulder.

"Hello, Fawkes," he cooed, stroking the lovely red feathers on his lovely red head. "Would you kindly deliver these notes to all of my sixth years in each house – the important characters and the ones I find amusing, that is - and also to a Miss Weasley and Miss Greengrass? The younger one," he asked his bird kindly, not wanting him to get in a shirty mood with him.

Fawkes trilled a positive response.

"Excellent, excellent. Thank you, my dear boy," Dumbledore sat back in his plush desk chair and watched as Fawkes burst into flames and was gone from his office. All he had to do now was wait and twiddle his thumbs.

It took less than five minutes for Fawkes to return to Dumbledore's side, seemingly agitated. "What ails you, my friend?" he asked his bird, concern evident in his soft voice.

Fawkes bowed his head down and shook it side to side.

Dumbledore was lost on what to do. "Was it one of the students?" he asked him anxiously.

Fawkes trilled a yes.

"Hmm," Dumbledore said pensively, his thinking face on. "You must have barged in on something, I take it?"

Fawkes trilled another yes.

"I see, I see. That can be very damaging, I know. You can talk to the therapist about it if you'd like," he offered hopefully.

Fawkes huffed.

"No, no, that's fine. I understand. Not everyone wants to, as they say, 'let it all hang loose.' There's nothing wrong with that at all."

The Phoenix looked disgusted and let out a screech to convey his utter disgust.

He was ignored. "But I'll let you in on a secret. I like to literally let it all hang loose," Dumbledore chuckled, not noticing the small bell chime to alert him of a visitor coming up the stairs. "That's why I love to wear robes. My old friend Archie shares the same views as me on that subject matter. As a matter of fact, we sometimes go out and-" Dumbledore was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Err… Professor Dumbledore, sir? Is this a bad time? Because we can come back later if you'd like… your note did say come immediately, though…" Harry Potter trailed off, glancing back at a traumatized looking Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger.

Dumbledore peered behind Harry to see that Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan, Lavender Brown, and Parvati Patil were all staring at him.

"Oh, no, not a bad time at all!" Dumbledore said merrily. "I'm delighted to have you all here! Really! Now, if I could ask you to all step aside and take a seat?" he asked, and with a wave of his wand two scarlet couches were on the wall of his office.

The Gryffindors all nodded and scurried over to their seats, Ginny sitting on Harry's lap.

He noticed Hermione mouthing 'Archie' over and over. "Is there something wrong, Miss Granger?" he asked her kindly.

She was obviously startled by his question and noticeably jumped. "No-nothing's wrong sir," she stammered, a red blush filling her cheeks. "It's just a memory that I was witnessing again."

Harry and Ron snickered at her, both coming to the same conclusion that she had. They were more amused than anything, though. Hermione obviously was not.

Dumbledore smiled serenely. "If that is all then, my dear child."

The bell chimed again and he looked up at the door to see the nervous faces of Terry Boot, Michael Corner, Padma Patil, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, Ernie Macmillion, and Justin Finch-Fletchley staring at him.

"Ah, welcome all! Do come in and take a seat!" Another wave of his wand and two yellow and two dark blue couches appeared next to the scarlet Gryffindor couch. Another wave and two green couches sat next to the Ravenclaw couches, who were next to the Hufflepuffs, who were next to the Gryffindors.

Everyone stared at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore stared back, absentmindedly humming as his blue eyes twinkled.

The door chimed a final time, and everyone in the room looked over at the door expectantly. The door opened to reveal the sneering faces of Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle (because really, no one knows their names,) Pansy Parkinson, and Daphne and Astoria Greengrass.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together. "Everyone is here! Excellent! Slytherins, if you will," he motioned to the empty green couches and watched his Slytherin sixth years and fourth year walk over to the couches left open for them grudgingly. When everyone was settled, Dumbledore started to talk again. "Now, I'm sure you're all pondering why I invited you here," he started.

Harry jumped up, suddenly alert. Ginny fell out of his lap with a small cry. "Is it Voldemort, sir? Is it him? I swear to Merlin, I am going to kick that tosser's arse if it is, because-"

Dumbledore interrupted him with a frown. "Harry, my dear boy, it is not-"

Ron jumped up this time with a shriek. "Is it Aragog? Does he want me? Oh, I knew he would want me," Ron moaned, rocking side to side as he clutched his face.

Harry sent Ron an annoyed look. "Ron, knock it off. Look at the real problem. Voldemort is all pissy again and is going to kill Ginny and all of our lovely future babies that will have beautiful red hair and almond shaped green eyes like my mum-"

"And you," Ginny interrupted.

-and me," Harry agreed. "And all of them will-"

Hermione stood up this time. "Ginny's pregnant!"

Dumbledore sighed. "You can tell me if she's pregnant, Harry. I won't get mad at you. I promise. I'll even pinky swear, if you'd like?"

Ginny stood up from the floor, rubbing her bum. "No, I'm not pregnant!"

Lavender snorted. "Don't lie. We can tell. Just look at all of the weight you've gained!"

Hannah frowned. "I don't think Ginny looks fat."

Susan nodded. "Ginny looks fine, Lavender. Don't be so mean."

Parvati squealed. "OHMYMERLIN! Name the baby after me?"

Dean looked lost. "Wait, we were all called here because Ginny's pregnant?"

Pansy sneered. "I don't care if the Weasel is pregnant. Can I go now?"

"I absolutely demand that my father be here for this!" Draco shouted over everyone else.

"I didn't think they would get pregnant so young," Ernie said sadly to Justin.

Justin snorted. "I did! Remember the bets we all made when we found out about what happened in the Gryffindor Common room after that match?"

Seamus laughed. "I remember those bets! I bet they were going to name their kid after Snape!"

Harry, who had been listening to everything going on around him with confusion evident on his face, whirled around to look at Seamus. "I would NEVER!"

Ginny nodded fervently. "And I would never let this blockhead even think of it!"

"So you _are_ pregnant!" Lavender yelled triumphantly.

Hermione chewed on her nail. "I think we should really tell Mrs. Weasley about this…"

Michael turned to Terry with a sigh. "Does this mean my chances with her are over?"

"If she's knocked up, then yes," Terry answered solemnly.

"I can send my mum for some maternity clothes for you, if you'd like?" Padma offered.

"QUIET!" Dumbledore yelled over all of the commotion using a Sonorus charm. The room fell into silence at once. "Thank you," he said pleasantly, the Sonorus charm lifted. "Now that I all have your attention, I would like to tell you the reason you are here," he paused and looked over at Harry and Ginny, who were both still standing. "You are not pregnant, correct?"

Harry and Ginny both nodded their heads earnestly.

"Good," Dumbledore smiled. "Now that that issue has been cleared up…" he started to rummage around his desk, presumably looking for something. Everyone watched in fascination as he threw letters, lemon drops, robes, quills, clay pottery, a rock, flowers, what looked suspiciously like lip gloss, and a bong off of his desk. "Aha!" Dumbledore cheered to himself as he lifted up a muggle jump-rope after throwing a goldfish bowl.

"Professor, why do you have a jump-rope?" Hermione asked him hesitantly, identifying the strange item to all of the Purebloods and Half-Bloods in the room at once.

Dumbledore smiled. "So I can have a large enough Portkey, my dear," he answered, pulling out his wand again. He tapped the long rope and said 'Portus,' watching as the long rope glowed blue.

"But Professor, that's illegal!" Hermione remarked shrilly.

Dumbledore simply smiled again. "Yes," he said in acknowledgement. "Everyone, gather around!" All of his servants – did he think servants? He meant students- dutifully followed his order and all circled around the rope and grabbed onto it.

"Sir, where are we going?"

Padma was ignored. "Leaving in three, two, one."

Everyone felt the familiar lurches around their navels as they were spun around in a blur of colors and sounds. They all grabbed on to the rope as tightly as they could, getting annoyed at the feeling of their shoulders knocking against each other. Fortunately, as soon as it started, it was over. The twenty three students all landed with a thud, some on their feet, and others on their bums. They appeared to be in a waiting room of some sorts and all exchanged nervous glances.

Harry, who stood up as soon as he got over his dizziness, pulled Ginny up and behind him. He scanned the empty room intently. His bright green eyes narrowed on the lady who was staring at them from behind a sliding glass window. "Oho!" he shouted, whipping his wand out.

Everyone jumped at his sudden shout.

"Harry, what the hell!" Seamus complained, rubbing his ear. He glanced over to the lady Harry was staring at. "Why are you pointing your wand at her? That is so rude, Harry."

Hermione nodded. "Put it away, Harry."

Harry glanced over at Ginny worriedly. "Ginny?"

Ginny didn't answer. She was staring in horror at the wall above the door.

"Ginny? What is it? Ginny?"

Noticing Harry's anxious voice, everyone peered over at Ginny. Draco looked over at what she was staring at and screamed. "WHAT? Therapy? Uh uh. HELL no! My father will be hearing about THIS!"

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><p><em>Meanwhile…<em>

Dumbledore was staring off into space, contently sucking on a lemon drop. "I feel accomplished," he sighed happily to Fawkes.

Fawkes trilled an annoyed sound.

"What is it, Fawkes? Is it the children?"

Fawkes trilled a positive sound.

"Hmm… did I forget something?" Dumbledore wondered to himself outloud.

Fawkes trilled a positive sound.

Dumbledore glanced around him, and his eyes fell, transfixed, on the collection tin that held no wands. "Bugger," he muttered to himself. "That can't be good…"

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><p><strong>So? What do you think? Was it funny? Should I continue? Any suggestions on certain people in a therapy room that you want to see together? I need feedback, my minions! Feedback, I tell you! FEEDBACK!<strong>


	2. Kindly Introduce Yourself

**Please remember that this story is listed under humor/parody. It's supposed to be funny, not be cannon. **  
><strong>Same disclaimer as last chapter, unfortunately. <strong>

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><p>Harry stared at the sign above the door with his head cocked to the side, seemingly in thought. In all actuality, though, he was wondering how hard it would be to escape with Ginny and where he could get a corn dog with mustard.<p>

Lavender squealed. "Oooh! I love therapy! It means I can talk about myself! I love talking about myself! And it means I can talk about others without getting in trouble! Oooh! This is brilliant! I love Professor Dumbledore so much right now that I could kiss him!"

Padma stared at her sister's best friend in horror.

"Professor Dumbledore is gay," Blaise told her casually.

Lavender ignored him. "This means I can talk about Harry and Ginny's apparent abortion, what I think about Hermione's perm, why I think Draco is gay, where I found Hannah and Neville last friday, all about how perfect I am, and…"

Everyone tuned Lavender out as she rambled to herself.

The lady behind the glass slowly slid it out of the way, jumping as everyone whipped around and pointed their wands at her. "Eek! Why are you all pointing sticks at me?"

Susan rolled her eyes and walked up to the counter. "Hi! We're here with an appointment. I'm guessing it's under the name of Dumbledore?" Susan asked the lady kindly.

The lady smiled at her briefly before dropping her eyes to a list. "Ah," she nodded. "Yes, very well. You're booked for the extra large group room for the next week."

Draco, who strolled up to listen in, made a choking noise and his eyes bulged.

"What is it, Drakey-poo?" Pansy asked worriedly as she scurried over to his side.

Astoria rolled her eyes at Daphne.

Draco was apparently too horrified to speak. All he could get out was little stammers of "we-we-week," and "my f-fa-fa-fath-father."

Blaise walked over to his roommate and frowned when he saw the look on his face. He looked like he had the one time he got a letter from his father that was actually supposed to be for his mother in his third year. The poor child wasn't the same for weeks afterwards. Blaise waved his hand around in front of Draco's face, impressed with the way he didn't blink. "I think Draco is broke!"

Ron cheered. "Yes!"

Pansy whirled around and pointed her wand at him, a snarl on her pug-like face. "What do _you_ think you are _celebrating_ for?"

Hermione gave a small start and took out her own wand and pointed it at Pansy. "Back off, Pansy."

The lady at the glass was watching them all nervously. "Yes," she laughed nervously. "I can see why you're booked for a week…"

Everyone ignored her. The boys were too busy taking bets on who would win if it came down to a cat fight, and the girls were all watching fascinated as Pansy unwisely went up against one of the deadliest duelers in the school, only second behind Harry.

"I wonder if Hermione is even aware of what her reaction is giving the impression of," Padma said amusedly to her twin.

Parvati laughed. "I don't know. I mean, everyone's known that they've been in love with each other for like _ever_, so this isn't very surprising.

Padma nodded. "Exactly! Hmm. I wonder if we should break them up…" she trailed off, watching as the two witches stood with their wands pointed at each other and fierce looks in their eyes.

"I won't. You can if you'd like, though," Parvati told her sister sweetly.

Padma stared at them for a moment. "Yeah, you're right. I'll just let them be."

Parvati nodded. "They can work it out."

"CHILDREN!" the lady behind the desk shouted, startling them all. Harry was gripping Ginny tightly in his arms with his wand pointed at the lady, Hermione and Parvati were so startled their wands fell, the boys all dropped their sickles as they jumped, and many of the girls jumped as well. "The therapist is ready to see you now. So if you would all follow me…" the lady said.

"Will this harm my girlfriend in any way?" Harry barked at her.

The lady was obviously shocked. "N-no, sir. It shouldn't…"

Ginny smacked Harry lightly on the chest. "Honestly, Harry. Tom isn't going to pop out of thin air and shout "Surprise!" Relax a little, alright?" she told him sternly.

Harry smiled sheepishly. "I know, I just get so nervous sometimes…" he trailed off. "And I know Tom wouldn't shout "Surprise!" Tom would laugh maniacally and shout an Unforgivable. Probably not 'Imperio' after what happened last time he tried that, but still. The other two aren't pleasant, I can tell you that."

The lady coughed, alerting everyone to her presence again as everyone was watching the couple avidly. The lady had moved out of her glass box thing and was standing in front of a hallway. "It's this way, everyone!" she called over her shoulder as she started down the hallway. She walked down the long hallway to the very end and paused at the door on the right. "Dr. Harmuth will be with you all momentarily."

The large group of teenagers followed her into the large, bright room. The walls were painted a bright sky blue, with paintings of various beaches and seashells adorning the walls. The entire back wall was a large window, hence the brightness of the room. There was a large conference table in the middle that had about fifteen seats, and two dark blue couches lined the opposite walls. Harry immediately went over to a couch with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. Draco, who was led by Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle went to the other one, leaving the remaining students to seat themselves around the table.

The large group's attention was caught as they all watched the door open to reveal a tall, thin, severe looking woman wearing a black suit walk into the room. "Hello, everyone. My name is Dr. Harmuth, and I will be working with you all individually, coupled, and as a whole for this next week. When I am not with you, my associate, Dr. Rex will be working with you. I am required to inform you that these sessions will be recorded." All of the Purebloods and Half-bloods stared at her blankly. "Now, how about we start with everyone introducing themselves?" she asked, though it was more of an order, as she went over to the empty seat left for her at the head of the table.

"Who should start?" Hermione piped up anxiously.

"I'll start first, dear. My name is Dr. Carly Harmuth, I am thirty years old, I have been a therapist for four years now, and I love my job. It's so interesting to meet new people with new things to work out, and I'm never bored or frightened. I hope you all will come to feel the same way by the time this week is up," she listed.

"That's nice. But I meant which one of us should start?" Hermione asked impatiently.

Dr. Harmuth smiled and glanced down at the clipboard with a notepad she brought with her. She also brought a small, black video tape recorder and pressed a button on it. "I have orders with a Professor Dumbledore to start with his favorite student, a Mr. Harry Potter," she read, before frowning. "That was a joke, right?"

No one laughed. Everyone stared at the blushing Harry.

"Harry _is_ Professor Dumbledore's favorite, sir. But he's everyone's favorite," Terry grinned.

Dr. Harmuth nodded tightly. "I see, I see. Now, Mr. Potter?"

Harry blushed again. "Well, I'm Harry Potter. People call me Harry, usually."

"Or The Chosen One," Dean added.

"Or The-Boy-Who-Lived," Seamus inserted seriously.

"Or a crazy, psychopath, deranged, dirty liar depending on the year," Ron added teasingly.

Dr. Harmuth stared at them all blankly before turning to Harry. "What do they mean by all that, Mr. Potter?" she asked sharply.

"My parents were murdered when I was one and I lived," Harry responded tiredly.

Ginny rubbed small circles into his hand with her thumb.

"And because of that people call me The-Boy-Who-Lived. Now they're calling me The Chosen One because they believe I'm the one who can defeat Voldemort," Harry continued.

"Voldemort?" Dr. Harmuth interrupting, noticing everyone flinch violently at the name.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. He's this megalomaniac that kills for fun. I'm his main target. He's wanted me since I was born."

Dr. Harmuth furrowed her brow. "How is it that this is the first time I'm hearing of this 'Voldemort' character?"

"Because you're a filthy muggle," Draco spat, unable to contain himself.

"Draco!" Pansy said gently. "There is no need to defile yourself by talking to it."

Dr. Harmuth looked vaguely offended. "I see…."

Harry continued to talk, ignoring the outburst from the Slytherin. "I'm also called everything that Ron kindly listed about every other year, depending on the situation."

"I see."

"I'm sixteen, I'm in my second to last year of schooling, my girlfriend is Ginny Weasley," Harry broke off to smile lovingly at Ginny, who sat next to him. "And my two best friends are Ron Weasley," he nudged Ron, "And Hermione Granger," he finished, smiling over at Hermione.

Dr. Harmuth nodded, jotting something down quickly on her notepad. "Very good. Thank you, Harry. It is nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Harry murmured back politely after a jab from Ginny.

"We'll move on to Ginny," Dr. Harmuth stated.

Ginny smiled widely. "Excellent! Alright, let's see. My name's Ginevra Weasley, but if you call me Ginevra I'll be forced to do bad things to you. I'm dating Harry Potter, obviously, my best friends are Hermione and Emily, who isn't here currently. I'm a year younger than almost everyone here, I like reading, and my favorite food is mashed potatoes. Anything else?" she asked the therapist.

Dr. Harmuth smiled. "No. Thank you, Ginny. Wonderful job. Ronald Weasley, you next, please."

Ron glanced up at her with apprehension. "Do I have to?"

Dr. Harmuth smiled kindly at him. "It will just be a quick introduction, Ronald. Nothing to worry about."

Ron nodded uncertainly. "…Alright, if you say so… I'm Ronald Weasley, but everyone calls me Ron. I'm the youngest of six brothers, I have jealousy issues, I have an inferiority complex, I have Arachnophobia, and I love those muggle singers Mariah Carey and Celine Dion."

Justin and Ernie snickered.

"Stop it, you two," Dr. Harmuth said sharply without looking away from Ron. "Thank you for sharing, Ron," she told him in a much more gentle voice.

Ron smiled at her slightly before resting back into the couch.

"Hermione, was it?" Dr. Harmuth asked Hermione.

Hermione nodded excitedly. "Yes, my name's Hermione Granger."

"Nice to meet you, Hermione! Would you care to tell us a bit about yourself?"

"Not at all!" Hermione beamed. "Let's see… my parents are dentists, and they own their own practice. I absolutely adore books."

"No!" Lavender gasped sarcastically.

Hermione ignored her and continued on. "I love to read in my spare time. That's all I do, really. Other than study, and hang out with Harry, Ron, and Ginny. I'm also in my second to last year of school, unfortunately, and this week away is really going to cut into my study schedule," she bit her lip worriedly. "I'll manage somehow…"

"That was excellent, Hermione! Good job! Now how about you?" she asked, turning to Neville.

Neville looked down. "I'm Neville. I have a pet toad, Trevor, who I think is evil, and I'm better friends with Harry and Ron than Dean and Seamus," Harry and Ron grinned at him, while Dean and Seamus mock pouted. "I live with my grandmother, who's very scary. I have a bad memory, and I love plants."

Dr. Harmuth smiled and nodded. "Thank you!"

"I'll go now!" Dean said excitedly. "Alright. Yo, I'm Dean Thomas, I'm also in my second to last year of school, and I'm totally still in love with Ginny and am resentful to Harry for stealing her from me even though she broke up with me," he stated happily.

Dr. Harmuth eyed him, then Harry, warily. "Thank you, Dean."

"My turn!" Seamus shouted. "My best mate is Dean. I'm Irish, as everyone is well aware of, and they all make fun of me. Everyone also thinks I'm a pyromaniac because of all of the things I set on fire."

She stared at him. "You set things on fire?" she asked in a worried tone, clearly fearing for her lovely building.

Seamus, realizing this, laughed. "Not on purpose, of course!"

Dr. Harmuth looked faint. "So you set many things on fire on accident?" she asked cautiously.

Seamus bobbed his head up and down. "Exactly!"

"Right," she muttered, scribbling something down on her notebook. "Thank you for sharing, Dean."

"No problem, madam!" He grinned.

"My name's Lavender," Lavender spoke up as soon as she saw the therapist's eyes on her. "I'm misunderstood," she said simply.

"And why's that, Lavender?" Dr. Harmuth asked gently.

Lavender smiled. "Well, it's because I'm so flawless and perfect. I make people feel inferior. I can't help it, though. It's not my fault that I'm naturally gorgeous, right?" she asked worriedly.

Dr. Harmuth smiled slightly. "Of course not."

"My name's Parvati, and I'm a twin," Parvati continued the chain of introductions, winking over at her sister. "I love reading gossip magazines. It's a bad habit, I suppose," she giggled. "I have a love for shiny hair accessories and Christina Aguilera. I also like that Leonardo DiCaprio bloke who's in that new movie coming out. He looks delish!"

Dr. Harmuth nodded and wrote something done. "Thank you for sharing, Parvati," she said warmly as she continued to write.

Padma sighed. "I'll go after Parvati. It only makes sense, after all. Hmm. Let's see… I love to read, like Hermione. We'll sometimes study together in the library with Lisa and Tracey, but neither of them are here… My parents are strict, and want me to work hard in my studies. I also love apple tart."

Terry sat up a bit straighter as the therapist directed her gaze to him and smiled. "Hi! I'm Terry. My friends call my Big T or T-dog, but you can just call me Terry if you'd like," he said, laughing along with Michael. "I'm in my second to last year of school also, and I love it where we all go. I think the Headmaster is kind of mad, but all the good people are," he winked at Harry, who scowled.

"I'm not mad, am I?" Harry whispered to Ginny.

Ginny snickered softly. "Absolutely."

"And when I graduate I want to be one of those, oh, what's the muggle term? Doctors! I want to be a Doctor!"

Dr. Harmuth seemed confused as to what a muggle was, but didn't say anything about it.

Michael snorted. "I'm in my second to last year also, and love sports. I also want to be a Doctor when I graduate, and am working an internship with the school Doctor right now."

"That's wonderful!" Dr. Harmuth exclaimed, writing something down again.

"I'm Hannah," Hannah introduced herself shyly. "I'm in the same year as everyone else, and I'm really interested in plants. I tend to act before I listen to the whole story, which is something I'm working on. I also really like garlic bread, even though it leaves your breath smelly."

Susan smiled at her friend before turning back to the therapist. "I'm Susan! I try to always be positive and happy, and I like to think I'm a good investigator after my Auntie," a sad look came on her face. "My Auntie was killed over the summer, you see, so it's still hard for me. My best friend is Hannah, and I love mu- rollerblading," she finished, catching herself at the end to not say 'muggle.'

She smiled. "It's wonderful to meet you two."

"I'm Justin!" Justin announced excitedly. "I am judgmental, or so my mum says, I am sarcastic, I'm not very trusting, my best mate is Ernie over here," he laughed, patting Ernie, who was sitting on the chair next to him, on the back. "I don't like snakes, and I want a pet hippo."

"My name is Ernie," Ernie said pompously, and rather loudly too. "I also do not like snakes. I can get freaked out easily, which isn't good when Justin invites me over for scary movies. I mean, have you _seen _some of those things? Terrifying! I can be loud sometimes," he said with a grin.

"No kidding!" Justin muttered.

Dean quickly turned his laughter into a coughing fit.

"And I enjoy school clubs and standing up for what is right," he finished regally, his head in the air.

"Very admirable, Ernie," Dr. Harmuth complimented.

Ernie beamed. "Why, thank you!"

Dr. Harmuth nodded and turned to the Slytherin couch expectantly.

Blaise noticed this and nudged Draco. "Your turn, mate!"

Draco pouted sullenly. "I don't want to talk to her. I'm perfect just the way I am."

"No you're not, Draco. Don't kid yourself! You'll never amount to be anything in life! You're just about as worthless as your father!" Blaise said cheerfully.

Pansy scowled. "You're not helping you useless prat."

Blaise shrugged.

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll deign myself to this… therapist," she spat, her nose wrinkled. "Alright. My name is Pansy. I am insecure, I think muggles are a waste of space and life, I want to join Voldemort, I hate puppies, and I really like Celine Dion."

"Me too!" Ron yelped excitedly, before realizing he was agreeing with a Slytherin. "I mean, Celine Dion sucks. She's a girl. She should go back to Canada, or wherever the hell she came from."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Right. That's _exactly _what you meant."

Ron raised a finger threateningly. "Don't you bloody start with me, woman!"

"Excuse me? _What_ did you just say?" Hermione asked threateningly back, her eyebrows raised.

"That you're pretty and smart and deserve chocolates and flowers?" Ron squeaked.

Hermione smiled pleasantly. "That's what I thought you said."

Ron nodded fervently.

"Whipped!" Seamus coughed.

Draco stood up dramatically. "MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

Terry, who was sitting next to Dr. Harmuth to her right, grinned as he heard her muttering what she was writing out loud "Clearly has issues with making decisions. Brings up father often. Could be compensating for something?"

Harry snorted. "That's all you need to know about Draco, Dr. Harmuth."

Dr. Harmuth looked up from her frantic writing and nodded her head hesitantly. "Right then… and you two are?" she asked sternly, staring at Crabbe and Goyle.

"We don't think they know how to speak," Michael told her helpfully.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, we think all they know how to do is grunt and point."

Crabbe grunted, pointed at Dean, made a fist, and smashed it into his other palm.

"Exactly my point," Dean stated.

Dr. Harmuth looked worried. "That's not healthy at all…" she mumbled fretfully.

Lavender nodded excitedly. "Oh, you should hear some of the stories going around about them! I'll tell you all of them when we have a more private session, of course," Lavender trilled.

Dr. Harmuth got up from her chair suddenly and dashed quickly out of the room. Everyone could distinctly hear her muttering about "Needing kegs of alcohol to get me through this… must call Marissa to ship bottles over…"

"That went well," Blaise laughed.

Everyone but Ginny laughed with him. When Harry noticed this, he looked down at her with a frown. "Is something wrong, Ginny?" he murmured in her ear.

She shook her head distractedly, staring at the table.

"What is it, then?" Harry asked curiously.

She glanced up at him before looking back at the table. "She left her notebook."

The small conversations going around the room ceased at that statement.

"_No_!" Hannah gasped.

"Excellent!" Parvati squealed.

* * *

><p><strong>Let me know what you all thought, please. (:<strong>


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